Good Afternoon. I know it's been a long time since I've posted. A lot has happened since my last post. I've gone into a pretty bad place right now and have no idea how to come out of it. This past February we had to put my dad in a nursing home and with him went our only way to pay rent. So now my mom and I are facing being homeless unless we can find a way to pay the rent here until another apartment comes available. I'm truly scared for the first time in my life. I've done nothing but cry for the past few months and that's not me. I fought cancer last year and won that battle, but this, facing homelessness really scares me. My mom went to the bank to see if she could get a loan and we haven't heard anything and I guess that's good news. I just need some good news right now. I've been dealing with a lot lately besides that. I started having problems with my right hand back in February. I developed what's called Overuse Syndrome and trigger finger. Well it got worse and started to affect my thumb. I developed severe trigger thumb and wound up going in for Physical Therapy. It helped clear up the tendonitis that had developed but hasn't helped with the trigger thumb. So today I finally saw a hand specialist and got a cortisone injection in my thumb . I won't know how things will be with my thumb for a few days to a few weeks. I'm trying to find another job that will be easier on my hand as that's what my PT said I needed to do. I don't know what we're going to do come the end of the month. I can't help but be scared and depressed. There were times that I had actually thought of just ending it all. But then where would that leave my mom and my cat. I know suicide isn't the answer to anything. It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I haven't had these feelings since my brother died almost 31 years ago. I hate these feelings and don't know what to do. I know my mom is worried and stressed too and I hate seeing her like this. Each night that passes we get closer and closer to not having anywhere to go. All I want is to feel safe again and be able to know that things will be okay. I want my life back. I need that feeling to go away and to be able to feel normal again and safe. I want a better job. I am going up to the hospital next week to speak with HR to see if they will hire me. I have my resume I need to work on and get some Letters of Reference from different people. I have the skills they want I just need someone to give me a chance.
Anyways, that's been my life these last few months. It hasn't been easy and now things just keep getting harder and harder. Please send good energy my way and pray that we are able to find a place to live.
Signing off for now. Jeremy's Flame, out.
